


When you say nothing at all

by TheMissingMask



Series: Driving Drabbles [7]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nonverbal Communication, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 07:56:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15505845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissingMask/pseuds/TheMissingMask
Summary: Dirk talked a lot.  And in a feat only the holistic detective could possibly manage, even when he wasn't talking, Dirk talked.Until he stopped.





	When you say nothing at all

**Author's Note:**

> You can blame Ronan Keating for this one

———

Dirk talked _a lot_.

He rambled almost incoherently when in the thralls of a case, its various disparate and seemingly unconnected strands weaving their way into a coherent picture that only he could see.  Todd rarely managed to follow the stream of fast-paced articulation, but he enjoyed just listening to the myriad tones and almost musical quality of Dirk's words in those moments.

When not in the middle of detecting, the detective often spent a lot of time talking to himself, or possibly to Mona, as he wandered about their apartment doing ‘chores’.  He chatted excitedly to Todd about whatever interesting thing they had just experienced, or that he would like them to experience next.  That new kind of peanut butter that was so much better then all the others he had ever had before.  The shade their curtains had turned in the hazy morning light.  The jacket he'd seen in a shop window and just had to go out to buy as soon as it opened because it matched Todd’s eyes perfectly.

Occasionally Dirk's words adopted a serious, solemn nature.  After Todd had an attack, he would speak with a pain that mirrored the agony Todd's diseased mind had just created, asking if he was alright, if he needed anything.  When the subject of Blackwing came up in the wake of one of Dirk’s frequent nightmares, or after some seemingly benign happening triggered a panic attack in the man, they sometimes spoke of Dirk’s haunted past. His voice would then take on a tone that didn't belong to him, but instead to Svlad Cjelli, who still hid, terrified and alone beneath layers of colourful leather and bright smiles.

And in a feat only the holistic detective could possibly manage, even when he wasn't talking, Dirk talked.

His body language, gestures, every fine detail of his features spoke volumes in a language that Todd had long since learned to read and understand.

The meeting of their eyes across a room, a conversation passing between them unheard by everyone else. Dirk’s hand holding his, promising _I have you_ when Todd struggled to swallow his meds in the face of whatever hell his mind had engineered for him. The perfect fit of their bodies together and the synchrony with which they moved and breathed, the universe telling him through Dirk _This is where you belong_. The kiss on his forehead as they basked in afterglow, reassuring Todd _That was perfect, you are perfect_.

Even now, laying motionless and pale in a hospital bed, Dirk was talking. His breath was too quiet to be audible, too shallow to be perceived in the rise and fall of his chest, but through the repetitive beep of the heart rate monitor he was speaking still.

Until he stopped.

A long drawn out tone replaced the periodic beeps. Too constant and too steady for anything belonging to Dirk.

Todd felt a lead weight settle inside him.

He looked sharply at the body before him. Unchanged from a moment before, but the hand in his was so much colder and the lips so much paler, a grey tinge was settling at the edges of his unmoving eyelids.

The long continuous tone was deafening, unending, and where were the doctors?!

Shouldn’t they be in here reviving him?!

Todd tried to call for someone, anyone, but couldn’t find his voice through the overbearing sense of panic.

His chest was constricted, getting tighter and tighter. He couldn’t breath, couldn’t speak, couldn’t cry out for help. Couldn't do anything so save Dirk.

He gasped for air, for just enough to let him make a sound, but it wasn’t enough. His chest was too tight. He doubled over, trying desperately to draw in breath, gripping Dirk’s cold, dead hand in his.

The cold dead hand tightened in response.

Todd shot back upright, taking as deep a breath as he could manage. The monotonous tone continued, betraying the apparent sign of life. Todd took another breath. He still felt Dirk’s hand squeezing his. Another deep breath in, held for a second, out slowly. The pressure was still there.

With one trembling hand, Todd went into his pocket, pulled out his meds and fumbled the lid off. Tipped four into his mouth. Another three scattered on the floor, inaudible against the horrible endless tone. He swallowed. Gagged. Swallowed again. Kept breathing. Slowly in, hold the breath, slowly out. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

There was a singular beep.

And another.

And another.

The steady rhythm of Dirk’s heart returned. He was talking again.

The pale, but warm and definitely, definitely alive, hand in his rubbed a thumb over the back of his knuckles.

_Are you ok?_

Todd squeezed the hand in response.

_Yeah_

He leant his head on the pillow, exhausted.

_I love you_

Dirk turned just enough to press the side of his forehead against Todd’s.

_I love you too_

———


End file.
